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User blog:JKGame/Gilda vs Peter Griffin: My Little Rap Battles
Welcome again to a new installment of My Little Rap Battles. This was supposed to be out a few days ago, but I was busy, so it was delayed. Fun fact: This was originally going to be an off-season for Epic Rap Battles of The Universe, but now that this series is a thing, I can just plop this battle here instead. Oh, and you most likely noticed that I made a cover. It's not that great, especially the logo, but I tried my best. Keep in mind that there won't be covers for every battle after this. This was pretty fun to write, so let's begin. "Father and the main protagonist of the TV show Family Guy, Peter Griffin, and female griffon from the kingdom of Griffonstone, Gilda, battle against each other to see which jerkish griffins will come out on top." Prologue Discord was taking a walk down Ponyville. It had been a while since the last battle happened, and he was itching to find someone or somepony to pick to put him/her into another rap battle. Suddenly, he saw something brown and white flying towards him. "Heads up!" it said, landing and revealing herself to be Gilda. "Oh my! Rainbow Dash told me about you, but I didn't expect to run into you today!" said Discord. "Whatever. She told about this rap battle thing. I thought sounded lame at first, but now I want to try it out. She said to come to you if I wanted to do it." "Oh ho ho ho!" Discord chuckled, "I was just looking for a contestant! But do you really think you're up to the task though?" "Shut up! Just bring me my opponent!" Gilda snapped impatiently. "My my. You need to learn some patience. Very well, I happened to have one in mind right now." Discord then snapped his fingers and a portal appeared. "Just enter this portal and you'll be facing your opponent. Good luck!" said Discord, and Gilda quickly flew inside. --- "Hey, Lois! I'm going to go to the Drunken Clam with my friends, alright?" "Peter! You can't! There's an event at Meg's school!" "Aw, who even cares about her or that stupid event? People only come just because they don't want their kids to be sad!" "Fine! Just don't get too drunk, okay? At least come before the event starts!" Peter immediately ran outside and slipped into his car and drove off, heading towards the Drunken Clam. When Peter was close, however, a portal appeared right in front of him and out came Gilda. Peter noticed, but it was too late, as he accidentally ran her over. Peter stopped and came out of the car to see what he just ran over. He spotted Gilda, who looked surprisingly fine, but also incredibly upset. "You dweeb! Were you too stupid to notice me?! You just had to run me over with that hunk of metal!" yelled Gilda. "Hey, hey, hey, take it easy!" responded Peter, "What are you, anyway? Are you that chicken's sister or something?" "What? NO! Next time, watch where you're going, you fat doofus! Let's settle this with words. Bet you're just gonna have some lame lines!" "Oh, you want it like that? I like to think of myself as a man of witty remarks! I'm going first!" "Deal." Battle MY LITTLE RAP BATTLES!!! 'Peter Griffin:' It seems today that all we see are annoying bad girls like you! Lucky there's this Family Guy here to teach you some good old-fashioned values! Your only friend was done with you 'cause you were such a toxic friend! Ooh! Did that make you mad? Go ahead and roar at me all you want! Speaking of Dash, I know what's really going on with you two behind the scenes! Wait, you got bullied when you were younger? Oh, the irony! I acted less juvenile than you when I became Justin and lived his lifestyle Man, this reminds me of the time I beat up that bully Kyle! You know what really grinds my gears? This winged cat trying too hard to be cool! Bet they dropped your old name 'cause you didn't deserve to be named after the princess of Hyrule! I'd Brush this Griffon Off, but this is gonna end like a fight with that giant, yellow bird! Even the Trashmen would throw this surfin' turd in the bin since this bird isn't the word! 'Gilda:' That verse was LAME, just like your entire show! Don't mess with this griffon, or you'll end up like your friend Joe! I'm half-eagle, half-lion, and also all awesome! You just get your family into a Quagmire after pulling some dumb stunt! This dweeb's so stupid that he should just change his name to Petard! Plus, your jokes make me gag like I took a whiff of your farts! Sure, I'm not the nicest, but don't even try to pretend That it's not mean purposefully shooting one of your best friends! You were probably cool long ago, but now you get nothing but hate! I'm pretty sure the number of episodes you get isn't even close to your weight! Even your wife thinks you're a stupid man, you Homer Simpson knock-off! So get back in your face-shaped helicopter, and BUZZ OFF! 'Peter Griffin:' Woah, calm down! I'm used to dealing with ugly worthless girls, for goodness sake! Your rhymes are more tasteless than the griffon scones that you make! I'm known to make people laugh and cry, you're known for making poor Fluttershy cry! Even with your wings, you still can't be fly no matter how hard you try! You live in a sad excuse for a kingdom, and you can't even sing or party?! Compared to your life, mine's freakin' sweeter than Pinkie Pie's pastries! The 90's just called. They want their slangs and catchphrases back! I hung out with Death and Jesus Christ himself! Try beating that! 'Gilda:' This is your idea of good raps?! You must've spent too much time at the Drunken Clam! How come king lame-o's still around? FOX made a mistake bringing back your program! With constant child abuse and calling it comedy, like it's DaddyoFive animated You make fun of gay people, yet you're somehow alright with incest?! I chose to save my friends over some treasure, you would've just went for the gold! You're the patriarch of your family, yet the smart one's a dog and a one-year-old! I'd rather watch The Cleveland Show! I'll make you groan in Payne like you hurt your shin! Learn to take "get lost" for an answer, 'cause this griffon just shucked Quahog's shell of a Griffin! WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! MY LITTLE- (Gilda then cuts the logo in half with her claws and throws it out.) AAH! MY LITTLE RAP BATTLES! Poll Who won? Gilda Peter Griffin Epilogue "So...is that it?" Peter asked out of nowhere. "Yeah, I think so-" Gilda said before Peter quickly lunged at her and started punching her in the face. Gilda, taken back by this, became very angry and retaliated, punching and pecking at Peter. Both had a massive fight in Quahog, causing many disasters and even catching Ernie the Giant Chicken's attention, with him saying, "Well, at least it's not me this time." Later on during the battle, a portal randomly appeared and swallowed both Gilda and Peter, taking them to the land of Equestria. They fought everywhere, such as Ponyville, where they crashed into Carousel Boutique, Sugarcube Corner, the Castle of Friendship, the School of Friendship, and even the Everfree Forest where Peter attempted to use the Elements of Harmony against Gilda but failing. They fought in Canterlot, Wonderbolts Academy, the Crystal Empire where they shattered the Crystal Heart again after Peter used it to smash it over Gilda's head, and Manehattan as well. Equestria wasn't the only place they brawled, however, as they also battled in Griffonstone, Yakyakistan, the Dragon Lands, and at Mt. Eris and Seaquestria where both of them became seaponies (or merman for Peter) and fought underwater. They even somehow got to the Equestria Girls world at one point and Peter ponied up for some reason. Discord watched the whole thing, laughing at the sheer absurdity of the melee. Hints for the mid-season finale This battle's gonna be chaotic! A matchup that was suggested for Drakan's Cartoons vs History series, but he used one of the characters in a recent battle. Opponents in need for hire 1. Granny Smith 2. MLP Pop Stars vs Real Life Pop Stars (A 3 vs 3. The MLP ones are all set. I just need the real-life ones. Michael Jackson is the only one I'm definitely having on that side. Bieber's iffy since a lot of Bieber jokes are now pretty old.) 3. Any of the Mane 6's parents (Except for Rarity's since they have no material and Fluttershy's since they're not that interesting to me.) Category:Blog posts